How can anyone say whats right and wrong between two people within a relationship? Isnt that reserved for the two people who are involved in it?
As I grow older, this is something that I find myself reminding myself of often. Its a hard thing to remember sometimes and an even harder thing not...
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When one starts internet dating, there is always a surprise around the corner somewhere. Either the person you are to going to meet isnt going to be anything like they represented themselves to be (which happens sometimes); or they are exactly like they said they were going to be (which can be...
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Have you ever enjoyed a correspondence with someone that had weaved through it, sensual undertones that left you feeling warm and tingling and in anticipation of his emails-only to find that once you met him in person and got to finally kiss him, that there was no spark there?
I remember I had...
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There are some days when the whole personals thing is a drag. Its like having a lot of blind dates and by the tenth one, youre ready to hang up your hat.
How many hours have you yourself spent browsing or searching through pages and pages of men or women? You search, you browse, you send, you...
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So here it is, the weekend is almost upon you and you still havent met someone that you feel comfortable enough with to spend any significant amount of time with. Your personal ad has been up and running for a little while now and youve responded to everyone who has contacted you.
You thought...
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Everyone knows that when a guy writes in his profile that he wants some fun or hes looking for a woman to have some fun with, that hes not talking about concerts, plays, movies, conversation, going out to dinner, dancing or any of the like. More often than not, the males idea of fun in the...
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It was close to six months before I had sex someone whom Id met through the personals. And having done it, having finally crossed that line, I am glad for the measures I took that were actually my instincts taking over and protecting me.
The man that I had this pleasurable experience with was...
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I received a disturbing email last night.
It was from a woman who said her husband had contacted me and other women without her knowing about it. As I had sent nothing back but an email addressed to the both of them (it had been signed with both their names) thanking them for introducing...
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This morning I was reading about a female who met someone online over a month ago. The relationship moved fast and both she and the man consider themselves to be one anothers boyfriend and girlfriend. She states that she feels as if shes known him for all of her life because they talk all the...
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Its interesting, isnt it? That as we age, our perceptions about what beauty is expands
and someone we might not have found attractive years ago suddenly becomes appealing.
Does this mean we have settled? Or are we merely growing up?
I think it means we are growing up. And I think its great...
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What does everyone know about relationships?
We know were supposed to be kind.
We know were supposed to be supporting/supportive of our partner.
We know that were supposed to be a we and not an I.
We know were supposed to honor our own feelings as much as we respect any others.
We...
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When I first heard about online dating a few years ago, it was just in its infancy and so of course, there were a great many comments, both positive and negative, to be made about it. Now, years later, there still are.
What exactly is an online dater? Its someone who has centered their focus on...
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This morning in my inbox I received an email from a lovely and sensitive woman Ive been corresponding with for awhile. Shes been depressed lately and her depression has been intensified by what she perceives as a lack of solution through the online personals. I asked her what she meant by...
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For our entire lives we will be involved in relationships. Im not just talking about the one-on-one romantic relationship but all the other kinds of relationships that we come across: friendships, relationships with co-workers, family ties. Sometimes there are even relationships that defy...
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If theres one suggestion that I could give to men, it would be to tell them: let the woman set the pace of the relationship.
I am aware that many men, often unconsciously, like to perceive women as fantasy creatures who are full of light, beauty, sexuality and understanding; but its time to...
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From Part I:
. .To men, it is all about size and beauty! Some of them wont even talk to girls who have too small breasts or too large ones or whose butt is too wide or nose is too long ...so, if I have some of these imperfections but I know how to make love, and if I send a picture of a...
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I read something interesting on a friends blog today. He said hes been reading a lot of womens complaints of the men who just send them pictures of their cocks in an initial introduction or because these guys think that this is what turns the ladies on. He went on to say that as far as he is...
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Today I met with a new friend whom I shall hereafter rename my adventure buddy.
This adventure buddy has tried swinging a couple of times and wanted to know if I was interested at all in participating. Considering that I move as slow as a nun forced to suck a priests cock, I told him that...
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Hear ye! Hear ye! Be it known forever more that BBWs (big beautiful women) LOVE sex!Now, this isnt news to any of us BBWs. In fact weve known this about ourselves for years. We know we like sex! We now that our appetite for sex is equal to our appetite for good food! Not like sex? Why wouldnt...
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Engage the mind, share some laughter, exchange thoughts...now theres a recipe for attraction, is what I wrote to someone in an email just the other night. And if you are a person who is involved in the process of online dating or just trying to establish some sort of relationship with someone...
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The bar was fun. They each had a Guinness, which she found she enjoyed. They laughed and talked and occasionally their thighs bumped together. Her pink bra strap kept peering out from underneath her pink-and-white top as it kept sliding off her shoulder and she saw him look once or twice. He liked...
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The directions had been fairly well written out but she still didn't expect the hotel to loom up so quickly when she took that second left turn. A little startled, she drove to the parking garage where a sullen-faced woman grudgingly let her through. Driving up two levels, she parked her car in a...
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The clock read 7:20pm as she sat down to write to her would-be lover. Ach, she deleted that line and started over again, then deleted and re-wrote it yet again. After all, there was a strong possibility that he would be the one she would decide to cross the line with and "bed." "Hmm," she thought...
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She sits at her computer and clicks on to her email many more times than shed like to admit. I see hes online, but why hasnt he contacted me yet? she wonders. After reading and re-reading his emails to her, she has been fairly convinced of his genuineness. He certainly wrote sincerely. Its...
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Spats
May 7th, 2008
11:28 PM
One thing that you never expect to hear, much less experience on a site, is something that I call a spat. What is a spat? A spat, as I have experienced it, is something that occurs between two people who have been writing to one another on a somewhat consistent basis (thereby signaling an...
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In my inbox today I received a note from a man who expressed his gratitude at my writing about what he terms home loyalties. Since this has come up before, I thought I would take the time to broach this subject-combined from the viewpoint of two married men Ive come across just this week who...
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Ive read several ads where the guys complain that hardly any woman answers them. So naturally I went over to their profiles and starting reading them over. Just in skimming them, I can see where some of the weak links are.
Ive found some reasons why these ads may not be generating the...
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So you placed an ad or answered one. Youre married, so is the other person. People have asked me with puzzlement: Am I now dating? Can I be dating someone whos married?
I found the question interesting and out of curiosity, I went to the dictionary to look up the specifics on...
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There's always plenty to do at the beginning of a new year, and although I don't ordinarily like painting myself into a corner by making promises I can't possibly keep, this year seemed ripe for resolutions.
The key word here, is "seemed." I have already scuttled some of my noble intentions, not...
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I just turned 48 years old. Sounds so
seasoned in one respect, and yet I feel just as immature as ever! In fact, when perusing the ads for a playful paramour of my very own, I have to occasionally slap myself with a dose of reality.
"What must I be thinking, by searching for an age range...
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I'm thinking about a man, a big strong man. Maybe several of them, in fact, with Hercules Big Arms and Thundering Thighs and Buns of Steel. Mmmmmm, yes! I want them all at once. Right from the Internet into my house. In the bedroom. This Saturday...
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Okay. You've placed your first internet ad and now youre going to meet someone youve been conversing with back and forth. The anticipation and eagerness are tumbling together in your stomach: maybe a little nervousness too. His emails have excited you in ways that you hadnt felt in awhile and...
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I'd put money on it; sooner or later if you're a woman who is dating, the guy is going to ask you The Questions.
"Say, have you ever considered having sex with another woman?"
He can't help it. My theory is that it's gotta be something hard-wired in; and that just maybe, that joke that...
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Most women online have one scenario in common when meeting strangers for sex dates. When asking women about their online rendezvous, I hear all too often, They never deliver what they they say theyre going to do, that enticed me to meet them in the first place. Disappointment is the word...
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Uuoh baby... I just want you to bend me over and pull my hair back while you're fucking me harder than you've ever done it before. My pussy is so WET and creaming, because I want it as DEEP and HARD as you can give it to me..... I want you to fuck me with just the tip of your dick while I'm...
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My new boyfriend forwarded the URL of an Internet photo album to me, which included shots of a trip he took with a friend of his last year. They ended up sleeping separately, he told me, because "she snores and moves around a lot."We had been together lots of times, but were planning a trip of our...
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I laugh until I ache when men claim they never pay for sex. Of course you pay. Get real, gents you pay every time you fancy-talk a lady into a night-on-the-town. Think about it. Upscale dudes go out and get their hair done ($30.00) have the car washed ($10.00). Pick up some flowers to impress...
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If you're skeptical, think of it as a metaphor. You've met people like this, no matter how you explain what they do. They might seem sexier, more exciting, charming, or successful than other people. Their desire for your company or conversation is enchanting ~ at first. But after a while ~ a...
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Like most people I am utterly baffled by the motives at work in human relationships. And being an arty type I often look to literature for insights into this troubling subject.
Feeling a tad more angst-ridden than usual, I recently went on a serious quote-finding expedition. A Google search...
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Remember those TV commercials for beauty products that cost a bit more than the rest? Sure they cost more, the model says. "But I'm worth it!" When L'Oreal launched that campaign some years ago, it was startling to hear a woman assert her own value. It was a strange concept. But...
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There's a famous saying: Be careful what you wish for because you may just get it. It always struck me as nonsensical, like saying that you shouldn't enter Lotto because you might actually win. As they say in chat rooms, WTF? But recently I found out what it meant ...
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I recently read an article espousing the joys of celibacy. My first thought: What bloody joys? I read on, and learned that now there are more people than ever who claim to be "happily" single.This description annoyed me. It seemed oxymoronic. Being single certainly has advantages. And yes, you can...
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Like just about everyone else on the planet with an e-mail address I'm constantly getting offers for penis enlargement pills. My reaction is invariably one of annoyance. "Why would I want to extend my dick when I haven't yet found a nice warm place to put it?" I mutter to myself, much to the...
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Swinging requires more than a partner and the desire. At face value the idea seems great. Hey, were gonna get it on with several couples and have a blast!
Think about it before you walk into swing-party youre not prepared for. Loren and I have a guest couple in this months column thatve...
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He's crazy about you! She's madly in love! But is it truly love, or is it temporary insanity?
Delightful as the sensation of falling in love may be, turns out it has a lot in common with drug addiction and mental illness: chemistry.
Of course, talking about the "chemistry" between two people is...
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Eyes They may or may not be the windows to the soul, but eyes are wide-open communicators. Whatever the rest of your face is doing, your eyes usually tell the truth. It's a dead giveaway: the insincere smile, the humorless laugh. The mouth says happy, the voice says hah! But the eyes don't light...
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It takes only a split second for your feelings to show on your face. Even if you've developed the coolest poker face in the game, you can't control that first flicker of response. But never mind; the speed of thought is quicker than the eye. Right?
Recent studies have found that people form an...
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Office romance is on the rise. Seems the chances of stumbling over consenting coworkers is most likely in the conference room, the boss's office (that would be on the boss's desk), the office of one of the couplers, the bathroom, the server room, the elevator, and the ever-popular supply closet....
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Ask any woman what she looks for in a man, and often as not you'll hear "sense of humor" at the top of the list. If you're a guy, you may look at the latest crop of Hollywood hotties and figure that's just a rotten joke.
Boy, are you wrong! In fact, it just might be that women can't resist falling...
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Have you had more dating advice dished up for you than you can possibly digest? Cruise the net, check out a few sites, and you have to beat 'em off with a stick: blogs, ezines, newsletters, free reports, free ebooks, and plenty more that the free stuff tries to entice you to pay for with...
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Have you heard this one? "It's as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is with a poor one." Maybe so, if you can find one. But what if you find one, and you don't fall, after all? Do you marry him anyway? (. . . or her. Whichever.)
A couple hundred years ago, most people wouldn't think...
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Most deceivers have the best of intentions. A few, most certainly, don't. Either way, you want to know the truth. Is it possible?
Here's where a bit of common sense can do the trick. Just keep in mind, there's no single, foolproof sign that someone's lying. Not even shifty eyes. And it can be even...
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Oh, that cute and cuddly Cupid! You see him everywhere, this time of year, all pink-cheeked and chubby, wearing only a diaper (if he wears anything at all) and aiming a lethal arrow straight at your heart!
What's the deal here? Who in their right mind would give a bow and arrow to a baby?
His...
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They may be rich and famous, but celebrities seem to have at least as much trouble with sex and romance as the rest of us do. We want to hear all about it, too. It makes us feel better to know that even the gifted and glamorous struggle to get it right. So, even on their off days, the show must go...
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You can't smell the smoke. You can't see if his nose grows like Pinocchio's with every email. It could be that her eyes shift and her lip twitches each time she IMs you. You simply can't be sure if they are who they say they are. Or can you?
Deception is easy on the Internet. That may be the one...
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This could be the one! You've been working up to it. Now you're finally going to get together, and everything has to be right. You've planned it all out, maybe even made a list of things to talk about. (Hey, lots of people do that!) Now you should be enjoying that feeling of happy anticipation. You...
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Falling in love online can be as completely emotionally real as falling in love in real time. It seems utterly silly to think that we can give our hearts to someone we have never even met in person, and yet, it happens a million times a day on the internet.
When new to the internet, most are...
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Many couples these days have found a new way of expressing their sexuality with each other by meeting other couples to share recreational sex. Playing is another term for this activity. As our culture advances, the opportunities for such are broadening. The Net Culture has opened up new...
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One of the worst romantic problems facing many people is quite simply not having a partner to play with. We all have different needs with this one. Sometimes we want someone to relieve the sexual yearning. Sometimes we want a major love fest to bloom, whether its for a season of enchantment or a...
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I often hear that the Internet is a window into the popular mindset - or "zeitgeist" as arty types like to call it. With this in mind I was curious about what major ideas we're obsessed with.
So I typed "myth" into Google and started surfing. I ended up on some wacky sites, many of which had a...
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The Truth About Beauty
Think quick: Peter Pimple just asked you out for dinner and dancingwanna go? Or Beulah Bovine has invited you on a picnic at the beach (she's got a new bikini)do you jump at the chance? Hearts of gold, both of them, but gee . . . I think I'm busy that day . . ....
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You're not a predator, right? You're not here to hoodwink anybody. Sure, everybody looks forward to a little action . . . maybe a lot of action. But let's assume you want to find someone special to get busy with, someone who's just right for you.
For the moment, forget about photos. Of course...
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This is the moment. You've tweaked your profile till it sings, uploaded your most flattering photos, and scrutinized a squillion other posted hopefuls in your search for The Oneor at least for some fun. You've had some responses and sent some yourself, and maybe that little frisson of thrilling...
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Lovers' quarrel. Marital spat. The Battle of the Sexes. The War Between Men and Women. Why is it that intelligent adults of the same species, even those that love each other, have so much trouble communicating?
The truth is, disagreements with your Significant Other don't have to escalate into...
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Is anything worse than the end of a long-term relationship? You feel as though somebody died. Maybe your partner; certainly, the relationship itself. You probably feel kind of dead inside, yourself.
You've been through all the stages: denial and loneliness, anger, fighting to keep things as they...
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The trouble with so many women is that they really don't want to hurt your feelings. They're just too damned polite.
Or else they want to be pursued. They need to know that you think they're worth the time and effort. (Don't think they haven't considered this, learned it from their mothers,...
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See that girl across the room? Ba-da-boom! That's the one!
Buy her a drink. She smiles. You chat. She smiles. It's all good. So you ask her out. And she . . . declines.
What happened? What did you do wrong?
Not a thing. She simply wasn't attracted to you.
You must have been on the flip side...
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I don't know if you've noticed, many men have cut back on their spending on initial dates with women.
In the past, when I was dating a few times a week, I could easily spend $500.00 - $800.00 per month dating and hanging out. I really did not have it to spend, but I felt obligated to spend...
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Dear Auntie,
I've got two questions that are driving me crazy.
First of all, why do men always assume that if you're friendly and seem to like them ok, of course you want to have sex with them? They even ask you, "Why don't you want to have sex with me?" Like, what am I supposed to tell them? I...
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Recent studies have already shown that women are more likely to stray during their fertile period each monththe 48 hours or so of ovulation. They're also more likely to be attracted to macho-type guys (dominant "alpha" males) during that same couple of days.
Now it turns out, according to yet...
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It may seem as though the mating game is little more than a crapshootat least on those days when you keep coming up snake eyes.
That's not entirely true, though. As with most things, there are rules. Know them, use them, and the odds can shift heavily in your favor.
Rule I. The mere-exposure...
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Virtual libraries have been written about rejectionhow to survive it, how to rise above it. You've seen the titles: 3 techniques, 9 phases, 18 steps to . . . deal with it. The truth is, you will survive it (unless you decide not to), and you can learn from it, if you're straight with...
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Asking for that first date is one thing; making it turn out great is something else again. You want to get to know each other better, have fun, fan the flames, andif all goes wellclinch a second date.
No problem. All you need is an entertaining activity that stimulates all those good-buzz brain...
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It only stands to reason that, since you spend at least half your waking hours at work, odds are good you'll eventually bump into somebody you want to spend more hours with. After all, you have common work interests. You hang out in the same general office space. You know many of the same people....
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Even if you flunked high school science and you can't pronounce "phenylethylamine," let alone spell it, you ought to know that it's the secret ingredient for concocting a truly tasty first date.
Phenylethylamine (PEA) is the natural "love drug." It controls all those powerful brain chemicals that...
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Remember those TV commercials for beauty products that cost a bit more than the rest? Sure they cost more, the model says. "But I'm worth it!"
When L'Oreal launched that campaign some years ago, it was startling to hear a woman assert her own value. It was a strange concept. But it was a wildly...
[more]
I heard on the news tonight that there's a new, exclusive dating site where you are required to "be good-looking, or be rejected." Frankly, as a writer, I get enough rejection. But, my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to check it out anyway.
The rules of engagement on this site are...
[more]
I recently read an article espousing the joys of celibacy. My first thought: What bloody joys?
I read on, and learned that now there are more people than ever who claim to be "happily" single.
This description annoyed me. It seemed oxymoronic.
Being single certainly has advantages. And...
[more]
There is a tendency in relationships to put the blame upon ones self when our partner is not accepting of something about ourselves. In my situation, I spent many years upsetting my own sense of self-worth by my partners rejection of me physically. When the understanding finally came-from...
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Having been one of those females that grew up thinking and believing that the prettiest and most confident girls got it all, I just had to share with others who also thought this way a letter that was written to an advice columnist and published in our local paper this morning. Here it is...
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A couple of months ago, a colleague of mine was talking to me about the dissolution he was experiencing in his marriage. Among one of the things he could not understand was her reaction to his flirting with other women. He honestly could not understand why this upset her.
I looked at him in a kind...
[more]
The basis of any relationship should be just the interaction between the two people involved. One person meets another and whatever transpires between them and how they relate to one another is strictly their business. A simple theory, really, to understand.
But in real life, where most of us have...
[more]
Whenever people speak about wanting their partner to change, its usually with an air of half-resignation that their partner wont (or cant). Yet I have discovered that when the impossible happens and a partner does start changing their attitude and behavior, its not quite as easy an adjustment...
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A common complaint I hear women say who are involved in a long-term relationship is: Why doesnt he want sex anymore?
A common complaint I hear men say who are involved in long-term relationship is: Why doesnt she want sex anymore?
Now heres the kicker: if you spoke to both sexes within any...
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The older I get, the less I like hearing about all the rules that are publicized for men and women to do to get along with one another in relationships. The ones I take the most exception to are the ones that give a list of how women and men should act, behave and speak (not to mention wear) in...
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The hardest thing about spending a great deal of time with an unaffectionate man is seeing him be affectionate to someone or something else-such as a pet or another person. Since youve seen with your own eyes that he can became soft and tender, then you feel like you know that deep down inside of...
[more]
There are so many ways to break up with people, arent there? Yet where is all this knowledge when we discover that we just want out of the relationship that were in?
I know the movies make fun of breaking up with someone. They make it seem the easiest thing to do unless the person youre trying...
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So Far
October 14th, 2007
11:59 PM
Sometimes dreams shared with someone are hard to let go of. Like maybe some of the dreams that youve been hanging on to that include your ex-husband or ex-wife.
It took me years to wean myself off the dreams that my ex-husband and I had built. Its not even that we had had so much time together...
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Have you ever been in a relationship with someone for so long that they claim that they recognize your habits even before you do? And over time youve found, much to your annoyance, that what they said was true?
So I have to change my habits so that he/she doesnt think they know all about...
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I was cleaning the kitchen the other day when a song came on the radio that spoke about a lonely girl wanting to meet a lonely man. I found my reaction to be: Yuck. Lonely? What guy wants to meet a lonely girl? And what girl wants to meet a lonely guy?
Yet, arent there many of us who are...
[more]
Today I was listening to a young woman tell me how much of herself she is giving and continues to give, to the one that she loves. She told me that she fluctuates going back and forth in reasoning, knowing that his actions are not good for her, but she keeps loving him anyway. When she said: I...
[more]
I went to a meeting a few weeks ago where the editors of several major magazines in Connecticut were representing themselves. It was the first time that I found myself sitting at a circular table of other writers and to tell you the truth, I found it to be a bit intimidating as well as exciting.
I...
[more]
Today a male co-worker walked up to me and wanted to know why more women are attracted to him when hes scruffy-looking and mean-spirited.
I turned my head and looked up towards him, squinting my eyes as I shielded them from the sun. He noticed and moved over, offering me some...
[more]
Ive often been so bored within relationships that Ive left good men behind. I didnt understand at the time that I cant look to my partner to keep me entertained. Its up to me to build my own life, to make my own fun, to maintain my own relationships separate from ours. Making my relationship...
[more]
People who dont take care of their health are affecting their love lives in several ways. I know because Im one of these people.
Oh, I know, I know...at the advanced age of almost forty six years, I should know that exercising and taking care of myself physically is beneficial to me in more ways...
[more]
Ive been away from my desk for a few days this month, possibly for the longest period of time ever. It was a deliberate decision.
Just like placing an ad on Sexyads is.
Even if you are hesitant in what you are going to write and say, even if you never meet anyone (by your choice), you made the...
[more]
When youre attracted to someone who is attracted to you back, sparks are felt and you feel happy. When youre attracted to someone who isnt attracted to you back, sparks are felt and they burn. When youre attracted to someone who isnt attracted to you and you see them every day, and you watch...
[more]
Last week a female friend gave me a call. We caught up on things a little bit-some things dont change too quickly-and she told me something new that had improved within her relationship with her husband. It got better, she said, because we sat down and finally talked about divorce, among other...
[more]
Two days before Labor Day weekend, I was at a party with several women and one of them had a story to tell me about her recent experience online with a well-known dating site for singles. Youve all heard of this site: if I told you the name you would recognize it instantly.
Naturally, I was...
[more]
The other day I was in conversation with a man I admire very much when he wrote: Isnt it okay to want to have guilt-free sex? And I thought: What a great topic.
Guilt-free sex. Oh, the number of women who would love to experience that. The be-a-good-girl syndrome is so ingrained in...
[more]