Wednesday 19 August, 2009A Little Flirtation is a Good Thing

I recently started working part-time in a bakery-café. This morning my first customer was a blonde woman who had never been in before and who had a large order to fill. The man who came in behind her was really good–looking and I quietly apologized to him for the wait after we both saw that this woman was going to take awhile. He stood back and looked at me and smiled and said, “No problem,” and then he winked at me. I couldn’t help but smile back and offer him a free sample of one of the pastries (since that was what we’re supposed to do) and when he smiled again and said, “You’re cute,” I couldn’t help but feel a little flattered and pleased. I’m almost embarrassed to tell you that this little incident has stayed on my mind for much of the day. The question was: Why?

I’m no longer a little school girl. I’m a 45 year old BBW who has to color her hair pretty often or that grey becomes my new color. My plus size is a real plus size as any size 28 will understand and with my hair pulled back, my glasses on and wearing a baseball cap kind of hat, I’m really not at my prettiest. Yet I smile a lot and am very friendly and I guess that was what this guy was responding to. So it was a little flirt. Yet it got me thinking. “If someone was interested in me,” I thought, “how would I know?”

I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time. This summer will be eleven years that I’ve been living with a man who I share so little in common with that it’s a wonder I haven’t hung myself out of frustration. Sure I want something more; I want my heart to flutter and jump and be on fire: I’d love to be in love again. But after this little flirtation it became clear to me that I wouldn’t quite know how to go about it.

It’s one thing to want things to change; it’s quite another to actually allow the changes to happen or even make the room for the opportunity in the first place. Fear comes up every time, old mind sets create obstacles, and I still find myself dismissing myself as not being attractive to another simply because I think I know what someone else’s image of beauty is. “He couldn’t possibly be interested in me,” I think. Have I learned nothing over the years??

How many of us women over forty wish and yearn for some positive male attention and when we receive it, then we doubt it? I think it’s time we start banding together and supporting one another!! We’re women of the world now, our heads are not stuck in the sand; we’ve learned a thing or two.  I liked that little flirtation! It felt good! So what? A little flirtation is a good thing!!