Chill: it's only sex!
Probably the single, most often repeated bit of advice for great sex is (all together now): RELAX!
But have you considered that, at best, that's only part of the recipe? Kind of like saying you want to be;like a good martini;stirred, not shaken, without specifying how much gin to how much vermouth, skip the bitters, with a twist.
Think about the methods people use to relax themselves for sex. Some people concentrate on getting the moves right. They figure that if they "know what they're doing," they won't be responsible if anything doesn't work. That will be their partner's fault. But it won't be very satisfying.
Playing tit-for-tat enables both partners to avoid anything that feels too risky, or at least plays at sharing the embarrassment (I'll try doing this for you, but only if you'll try doing that for me, and if not;no way!) This can end up making sex utterly predictable and boring, or it can force a reluctant partner to new heights of anxiety. Why not challenge yourself before shoving your lover over the edge?
Playing it safe, on the other hand, can generate another kind of anxiety. Sometimes women seem unresponsive or stiff because they're afraid to show just how lusty they are. Sometimes men feel out of control if a woman takes the lead. Either way, partners are nervous about revealing too much of themselves, and they certainly don't trust each other. But what's at stake here? If two people like each other enough to have sex, they ought to be able to relax and accept each other's healthy lust. If not, they shouldn't be in bed together.
If so, however, the sex can be absolutely overwhelming. What if you lose yourself? What if you expose yourself ompletely, and it turns out you made a mistake and this person you desire finds you lacking? Rejects you?
You know what? People have been having sex for thousands of years. Most of them have lived through it. It's seldom fatal, and nobody has ever died of embarrassment. Believe it or not, the other guy probably even thinks it's more about him than it is about you.
So you've got two ways you can go. Concentrate on getting to Your Orgasm, or concentrate on getting your partner to the Big O. Hey, and if one is good, more must be better, right?
Why? First of all, if you zone out on your own sensations and fantasies, you may be relaxed and stimulated, but you might as well be alone. What do you need a lover for?
Alternatively, if you focus on the mechanics, revving the engine and testing the acceleration, and assuming the parts are in working order, you're bound to cross the finish line. So what? So can any other machine with a gallon or two in the tank.
So maybe you've missed the point. Sex isn't brain surgery. It's not a test. World peace doesn't depend on your performance.
If you care about your partner, if you like each other a lot;and we'll just assume you're attracted to each other;you've got it all together. Chill! Stir, don't shake; add your own personal twist; and say cheers!
Sex is fun. If it isn't, why do it?