Thursday 7 April, 2011Bringing Change Closer

When personal sites started a few years ago, it seemed that the majority of them were geared towards people who were single and looking for someone special. Over time, personal websites have grown to include people already involved in a relationship but needing more; people wanting to detach from their present relationship and not sure how; people wanting to add something to their relationship by bringing someone new in; people who are actually married but feel they can’t leave or don’t want to; and people who have tried their best (or not) and are now divorced.

Clearly, the stigma of finding a date through the personals is no longer what it used to be and I know there are many people (both men and women) who are relieved that this is so. I’m one such person.

I have had two long term relationships that were the result of placing a personal ad.

One gentleman became and stayed my best friend for a number of years until he unexpectedly passed away a few years ago. The other became a live-in relationship that continues to this day. Both were the result of ads that I had placed.

For me, making the decision to place a personal ad for some companionship was a very difficult and long process. It meant that I was admitting that I was lonely and alone and no one wants to admit to that too often. It meant saying that no, there is no one in my life right now that is loving me but that doesn’t mean that I am unlovable. It meant taking a chance that some guy I met could be a psycho or an abuser or turn out to be the love of my life and all the options were frightening in some way…it meant I was admitting that something wasn’t happening in my life the way that I wanted it to and now I had to make a change.

I am not a girl who likes change.

I have met other people for whom the word ‘change’ is immediately perceived as “something not good is going on” and I’ve come to understand that this is normal thinking for people who have suffered deep emotional tragedies in their lifetime.  If you are one of these people and you’ve come to the decision to either place an ad or answer one, I applaud you for your courage and determination to bring something new into your life in spite of your fear. There is never a guarantee in anything that what we choose to do in life will turn out wonderfully; and most of us are old enough by now to recognize that we either make changes in our lives or we wilt because everything stays the same. It’s my opinion that turning to the personals is a good place to start if you need to start over again. Moving at your pace is an important self-care tool that goes a long way in saying: “I matter.”

By Barbara Watts