Monday 7 December, 2009Did He Really Say That?

A couple of months ago, a colleague of mine was talking to me about the dissolution he was experiencing in his marriage. Among one of the things he could not understand was her reaction to his flirting with other women. He honestly could not understand why this upset her.

I looked at him in a kind of surprise when he said this because I knew him to be an intelligent man. “How can he not get this?” I thought to myself.  But what I said aloud to him was: “What do you mean?”

“Well,” he said, every bit as serious as I have ever seen him, “she knew when she met me (years ago) that I flirt with other women. She knows that I am easily attracted to attractive women but I don’t mean anything by it. I’ve told her that I would never cheat and I haven’t. And yes, the women pursue me and flirt with me but that’s just the fun of it. I always tell them I’m married, make sure they see my wedding ring...” he shook his head.

I waited.

“I meet beautiful women every day,” he continued. “Most of them would go to bed with me in a moment if I gave them the okay. But I never do. You think she would be happy about this but instead she just gets upset. Finally, I said to her: “Hey, here are all these beautiful women wanting me but I come home and fuck you. Shouldn’t that make you feel beautiful and wanted?” Then he looked at me as if waiting for me to agree.

There are some times that one has to hold their tongue though different words long to spring out. This was one of them. After all, I have to work with this guy. In spite of my personal reaction, I just kind of shrugged in a non-committal way and he walked away satisfied, thinking that at least one woman understood his thinking.

But I didn’t.

I thought how I would feel if my husband came home and said to me that beautiful women wanted him every day but that he comes home to fuck me…and shouldn’t that make me feel cared for?

Well, it wouldn’t. Not for a single, solitary moment would it make me feel beautiful, desired and wanted. I would feel threatened by all other women all the time. I’d hate it when he’d go to work, knowing that my husband would be looking with admiring eyes at a beautiful female. Maybe he wouldn’t cross the line and go to bed with her but that doesn’t mean that he didn’t want to. This I should be happy for? This I should feel grateful for?

This conversation has stayed with me all this time purely because I felt his words illustrated some of what people insist is the reality of how men and women perceive things differently. If this was any example of it, then we’ve all got alot to learn.