Tuesday 8 December, 2009Having It All?

Having been one of those females that grew up thinking and believing that the prettiest and most confident girls got it all, I just had to share with others who also thought this way a letter that was written to an advice columnist and published in our local paper this morning. Here it is verbatim:

“Call me confident, but I know I am a real catch. But for the life of me, I can’t get a date with the “right” kind of guy.

I am beautiful inside and out. I was raised in a great family with good morals, I’m kind to everyone, I’ve got a killer personality, great sense of humor, an inspiring attitude, and the glass is always half-full.

This may seem cocky, but my two problems with men are: I seem to attract creeps, and the kind of men I deserve don’t think they’ve got a shot in hell, so they don’t ask me out.

Most of the dates and relationships I’ve had have happened because I asked the other person out. I’ve been in two major relationships with very attractive, bright men and I’d like to experience that again.

I am so sick of creeps! I want someone equal to me. I’m told a thousand times that I’m gorgeous, stunning or asked why I’m not modeling. Yesterday someone called me Miss America. I’m well-read, and in tune with the arts, smart and funny. Where are the male equivalents?”

The advice columnist wrote back this reply: “They died of altitude sickness, trying to climb the pedestal you have placed yourself on. You have described your obvious selling points, but what about the quality of your character? Are you nice to people who don’t want anything from you? Are you giving? Sensitive? Can you compromise? Are you interested in other people?

Perfection does not exist in anyone. And the sooner you become less preoccupied with your own perfection, the more likely it is that you’ll meet your male “equivalent.”

This letter fascinated me in many ways. For wasn’t this woman representative of what so many books and articles advise women to be-confident and physically attractive? Yet here she was being told that she was ignoring characteristics.

We’re all told that it’s not how we look, ultimately, that brings love into our lives but who we are. Yet how many people who are not extraordinary looking possess hearts of gold but are overlooked because physically they don’t fit the bill? Is that any less painful for the ones who are exceptional-looking but can’t get anyone either? I wonder but I’ll never know.

There is a part of me that feels a lack of sympathy for this woman. In my eyes, all she has to do is change her attitude a little bit and she will have everything thrown her way. Being treated nicer just because one is prettier rankles me and I guess I’m kind of glad that she has not found everything going too smoothly.