Friday 23 October, 2009Just Doing Some Weeding Out...

Two days before Labor Day weekend, I was at a party with several women and one of them had a story to tell me about her recent experience online with a well-known dating site for singles.

You’ve all heard of this site: if I told you the name you would recognize it instantly.

Naturally, I was curious. She, however, felt indignant, used, rejected, abandoned, embarrassed and downright pissed.

Here’s what happened:

The site was running a special offer for one month, so she decided that it wouldn’t be too much money to risk losing if the possibilities were indeed high that she could meet someone that matched her temperament.

Following all the detailed suggestions closely and carefully, she placed her profile and almost immediately received some responses from several men. A couple of them were of interest to her and she did the whole email routine with them on a daily basis for a couple of weeks. During that time, one man started standing out from all the rest. She and he started corresponding through email not just daily but for several hours a day. His interest in meeting her was immense and he again asked her for her picture. She managed to find one that she thought made her look pretty good and at his request, posted it.

When she clicked on to her inbox the next time very soon after that she found, much to her dismay (and a whole bunch of mixed feelings), that every single man that she had been corresponding with-including the special one-had taken her off their list for a possible match.

She is a big woman.  A SSBBW to be exact.

But she is also a kind, loving and caring woman as well as a deeply sexual one...and it bothered her and angered her tremendously that at this age of her life-she’s 49-so many men her age could not be bothered to go for the gold underneath the exterior. “It’s not like any of them were prizes either,” she scoffed as we sat cutting up vegetables for a salad. “You would think by now, at their age, they would have wanted to find a woman who had heart. But no, they all want that perfect beach girl, girl-next door type…” she stopped and sighed, “and I’ll never be that.” An expression of wishful longing crossed her face and I understood instantly what she felt.

“Yes, it’s very hurtful and very hard when someone (in this instance, several) members of the opposite sex are attracted to your personality-which is you-but the outside just doesn’t fit the bill,” I agreed. “It makes you feel like you’re doomed because you don’t look a certain way even though what’s underneath is supposed to matter so much more.”

“Exactly!” she exclaimed. She quieted for a moment and then said: “I guess it just shows that none of them would have been good enough for me,” she said thoughtfully. “Don’t you agree?”

She looked at me.  

I do indeed!