Thursday 26 November, 2009Loving an Unaffectionate Man

The hardest thing about spending a great deal of time with an unaffectionate man is seeing him be affectionate to someone or something else-such as a pet or another person. Since you’ve seen with your own eyes that he can became soft and tender, then you feel like you know that deep down inside of him there is another part of him that you would love to share with him. You think: “If only I could coax it out of him…”

The second hardest thing is when you start thinking there is something wrong with you because he’s not being affectionate towards you.

There’s a woman I know well who has been living with a self-proclaimed unaffectionate man for many years. He scoffs at love in movies, in songs, and has a comment to make towards any couple (towards the man in particular) that he sees hugging, kissing or holding hands.  As far as he is concerned, affection is all “just a big waste of time.” 

It’s a difficult thing to believe that any person could just “not like” being affectionate-as so many men in particular claim to be. I find it to be a puzzling thing, listening to a man who says he feels this way. I find myself thinking (or saying out loud): “How can anyone think that showing affection is anything but wonderful?”

For the female loving a man who firmly states that he is not “into that stuff,” the feelings of rejection seep slowly throughout the body like a slow-moving toxin. You hear his words that he is ‘just this way’ and despite what you see, there’s a part of you that wants to believe him, of course.  You want to believe that he does not understand the importance of showing care to another person though you don’t understand it.  You want to believe that someone somewhere across the line hurt him and that if you could just unravel that mystery, then maybe you could nurture this part of him and receive it for yourself. The bottom line is, of course, is that you feel unwanted by a man that you want—and that is always a painful reality.

Are there some men that love but are unaffectionate? It might seem paradoxical to you and I, but yes, there are. Can we change them? Or rather, the question you might ask is, can he change? Is it possible for an unaffectionate man to become affectionate?

Of course it’s possible. What’s a waste of time is spending any more time hoping for him to change or trying to fix something about your self to gain his affection. Give that thought up this very moment. If a man really wants to learn how to express himself in an affectionate way, the chances become greater when he becomes actively involved in understanding why he isn’t in the first place. If he isn’t willing, the chances are slim that you’ll ever receive the affection from him that you hope for.