Thursday 30 April, 2009Men and Emails

She sits at her computer and clicks on to her email many more times than she’d like to admit. “I see he’s online, but why hasn’t he contacted me yet?” she wonders. After reading and re-reading his emails to her, she has been fairly convinced of his genuineness. He certainly wrote sincerely. It’s part of what drew her to him. But she doesn’t understand the distance between the email and contact with her.

Here’s something that many women have found confusing: they have a correspondence with a man (through emails) on a frequent enough basis that an attraction shared is obvious, and yet, several hours or even a day or two can go by, from the time she has written to him and receives a response from him. When she receives the answering email, his words read and sound sincere, genuine and heartfelt. In re-reading what he has written, she feels good. And yet, she has seen him online at various times, over a period of several hours that day.  This puzzles her.

I’ve experienced this myself.  Finally, not too long ago, I got up the nerve to inquire (or make a statement) about this to one man in particular who’s emails I looked forward to;  and yet a long time could go between my response and his answering response. His explanation was that he knows he lets too much time lapse and that it’s something that he was trying to be more consciously aware of improve. He also admitted that he could understand, from a woman’s point of view, how this could be interpreted as a mixed message and by confusing to women. 

I gave him points for his self-awareness and honesty.

But it didn’t really leave me fully satisfied so I went looking for more answers.

One man suggested this to me: “Are they writing erotica to one another? Perhaps he’s more interested in becoming excited from the emails and fantasies in his mind then the actual meeting and connecting.” (This made some sense to me and it’s a topic I’ll cover at another time.)   

Another suggested: “Perhaps he doesn’t know what to say.” Still another offered: “Maybe she writes too much in her emails and is expecting something more in return.”
Another kind of shrugged and said: “Who cares? I’m here to get laid.”  And another: “I have to work during the day and can’t always respond in a time period that is quick.” (this in spite of being noted that he’s online and logged in.)

So there you go. Maybe you’ll never really know why he writes so eagerly and then waits what you perceive to be a long while in returning a response. Even with all the suggestions, I find that I am still a bit mystified by it.  But just to let some of the guys out there know: if you’re interested in someone, keeping up with your correspondence is a good way to let her know that she has somehow, in some way, captured your attention