Tuesday 22 September, 2009Misunderstanding Silent Signals

One thing I always had difficulty in understanding when I was younger and still do sometimes even now, are the silent signals that I think someone is sending across to me of his interest. Sometimes I’ve gotten them so confused that I felt like a jerk afterwards, not to mention the letdown I felt after all the build-up of anticipation I had engaged in.

Let me share with you an experience I had recently and show you what I mean.

For almost a month, maybe more, this guy would come into where I work, stand in my line and always smile a great big smile when he saw me. He’d also make direct eye contact the whole while. We’d exchange pleasantries and over a bit of time I thought: “What a pleasant guy.”  After a little while I started to wonder if he was saying something though not saying anything, because I’d see him look around for me when he’d come in if he didn’t see me, or he’d wait until I could help him. My mind played around with the thought of whether or not I’d be interested in going out with him if he asked me (yes, I would); but nothing was ever said or done past the general social exchange. I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to cross that line. I thought perhaps he was shy and since I was at work, he was being respectful, so I quietly waited it out to see what would happen. In the meanwhile, I kept noticing more and more that direct eye contact-that stayed with me almost until he walked back out the door-and his great big wide friendly smile.

A couple of weeks ago I looked up from what I was doing to see him holding the door open for two other people accompanying him. Again he stood in my line and when it was his turn, proudly introduced to me his wife and her mother. Seriously. To say that I was a bit thrown off my game would be accurate, not to mention the feeling of foolishness that I felt. I wondered how I could have misread or misinterpreted what I did and be so far off. It sure made me glad that I hadn’t ever said anything inappropriate.

Could one attempt an explanation by saying that a lot of women would think that a man who always seemed happy to see her and kept that eye contact, might be interested in her?  Of course it would be natural for her to think so, based on what I told you above. But it wasn’t. It was simple friendliness, nothing more, nothing less.

I know other women have also felt foolish in misreading what they perceived as a silent signal, and you know what? The best we can do is laugh at ourselves and let the experience teach us that misunderstanding silent signals is a part of life. Over time, we’ll learn the difference.