Friday 13 November, 2009Myths about Lonely People

I was cleaning the kitchen the other day when a song came on the radio that spoke about a lonely girl wanting to meet a lonely man. I found my reaction to be: “Yuck. Lonely? What guy wants to meet a lonely girl? And what girl wants to meet a lonely guy?”

Yet, aren’t there many of us who are lonely? What is it about that word ‘lonely’ anyway, that pushes people away and scares some of us off from each other?

The word ‘lonely’ implies that we are alone-that we have no friends. That we have no companionship or people in our lives that complete us, that help make our lives feel full. “With all the people that populate this world,” some people reason, “why should anyone feel lonely? Doesn’t that signify that that person has some sort of social problem or something?”

No, it doesn’t.

Loneliness is such a common reason that people come to websites that no one should be surprised when someone admits to being lonely. Whether involved in a relationship or not, loneliness is a reality for many of us, in spite of the fact that we work, we have family and that we keep busy.

I know people of both sexes who, once they find someone they are developing an interest in and that person admits to being lonely, will almost unconsciously start pulling away from that person. Never mind that that person was being honest in their feelings and in their sharing of their heart with you: there are not many people who want to knowingly take up with someone who says quite plainly: “There are not a lot of people in my life that I’m close to.” For some reason, this admission scares people off and leaves the listener wondering “what’s wrong with this person?” The thought then often becomes that the lonely person will be too needy, too clingy, too insecure and will start to “suffocate” me.  So right from the start, what may have developed into something wonderful, will be cut short just out of fear-and an assumed one at that.

Loneliness can envelop a person for many different reasons and the more one takes the time to find out what those reasons are in regards to each individual, the more one grows to understand that loneliness may just be a part of the human condition. Just because someone is lonely does not automatically make them a person difficult to get along with. Being lonely does not mean that a person is unlovable.  It does not mean that a person has social problems or has difficulty in making friends or has trouble in loving another in a healthy way.  It does not mean that they are ‘bad’ or ‘not a good risk.’ In my eyes, it means that for whatever the reasons, that person is not able to share their heart on a fuller basis than what they’d like to give. Now, doesn’t that give you a pause for thought?