Tuesday 3 November, 2009“Now That You’re Here...”

I’ve been away from my desk for a few days this month, possibly for the longest period of time ever. It was a deliberate decision.

Just like placing an ad on Sexyads is.

Even if you are hesitant in what you are going to write and say, even if you never meet anyone (by your choice), you made the decision to come here.


It’s important for one’s self to recognize this. Once you do, you’re moving forward. This is good.

You could get stuck. You could have a hard time writing your ad and saying what you need to say. Or it may just flow out of you and you place it and bam! You get some hits and you choose to meet someone.

The fantasy of meeting someone new is what keeps people hopeful that things can change in their life.

The reality of meeting someone new is something else.  

Once you’re opposite someone, it’s safe to assume that you‘re going to be asked what brought you to Sexyads. It’s something that you may find yourself stumbling over when you’re forced to think of how to articulate why you are here, without sharing any of your stories. You can’t share stories right away because it throws people off. When you meet people, you have to do it with the intention of being right in that moment. That’s important.

Keep your mind open to the possibilities that the people you meet are going to be more average looking than you imagine. Try not to build them up in a way that you wouldn’t want them to perceive you in a certain way and then you fall.  Choose to decide that you are going to be as open and accepting of yourself and this other person as much as you can be. This is good for the self.

Do not use them as your therapist. Excellent for the self.

Do not expect anything from them. See what you feel and how you feel when you are with him or her. Give your feelings attention. You want whoever you meet to recognize more about you than you are receiving elsewhere in your life. Now you’re stepping up to those inner feelings.

Is it okay to be here? You mean, is it okay for you to be here? To be placing an ad or to answer one? Well, to be truthful, you may fluctuate with that question back and forth. There may be times that you are absolutely positive that you are going to do something new and then you may just as much back off. It see-saws, it really does and it’s completely normal. Positively, absolutely normal.

The biggest thing you will face coming here is what you are going to do now. Now that you’re here, will you be able to go further? You might or you might not. It may be that just showing up here is a good enough first step. 

After all, there are real human beings here.