Saturday 7 November, 2009One Man’s Question

Today a male co-worker walked up to me and wanted to know why more women are attracted to him when he’s scruffy-looking and mean-spirited.  

I turned my head and looked up towards him, squinting my eyes as I shielded them from the sun. He noticed and moved over, offering me some shadow.

“Oh thanks,” I said gratefully. “Now, what are you talking about?”

He began again patiently. “I am telling you that when I am clean-cut and dress nicely and speak politely, that girls don’t approach me at all,” he repeated. “But when I don’t shave and I look scruffy and my clothes are just sweatshirts or some khakis and a t- shirt, and I talk down to them, then women approach me.” He looked over at me.

“You’re kidding,” I responded looking up at him. A big guy he was, several inches over 6 ft tall and hefty in build. I tried to imagine him cleaned up and dressed nicely but I’ve never seen him in anything but work clothes.

“Maybe its part of the image, with you being a bigger man and being a bouncer and all that,” I half-mused out loud. “They feel safe with you…”

“Maybe,” he agreed. “Or maybe women just like men that push them around some and treat them like crap. What is up with that?” he growled at me, half-angry but most definitely confused. I shook my head.

“Not all women are like that,” I stated firmly.

Before we could continue, another co-worker walked over to us. “I can tell you why some women are like that,” she told him, her eyes level on him as they stood face to face, both of the same height.

“Go ahead,” he invited.

“Some women just naturally grow up in homes where they were treated badly,” she said. “Some women saw their moms treated badly and saw their moms put up with it and it’s all they know. In fact, someone being nice to them actually scares them because it’s so unfamiliar.” She lit a cigarette. “It‘s what you’re used to,” she concluded.

“Maybe,” he said. “But I’ll never understand having to treat a woman badly in order for her to feel good. That doesn’t make much sense to you, does it?” he appealed to me.  I sighed almost unconsciously.

“Unfortunately it does make sense to me though I can understand why you would think it loopy,” I said. “Believe it or not, kindness can often scare a women away-particularly when its not something that she’s been used to. But as for the women who like to be treated badly…” I frowned and thought for a moment. “Why would you bother with them since it goes against your personality, anyway?” I asked him. “Why not concentrate on finding a loving woman who doesn’t need pain to understand caring?” I watched his eyes as he listened to my words. 

He shrugged and looked a bit dejected.

“I can’t find any of them,” he said.

They’re there.