Monday 6 April, 2009Penis Size is Not Enough

I get a lot of email from males concerned about the size or the performance of their penis: A lot of guys seem to be paying attention to the spam blasts or the pop-up ads for penis enlargement products. They're stuck on the idea that bigger is better and they lament that they aren't big enough. I know that this is a tender topic for many men, and if you're one who worries about the dimensions of your organ, I would recommend seeking a confidence enlargement instead. How you use what you've got is far more important than beefing up. For the most part, the value of penis size is a myth created by the sex industry to make you think you're less than you're "supposed to be". Advertisers do that so they can sell you a problem for which they also sell you a solution--and in this case it's not much of a solution.
 
Why is bigger better?
While the universe has no doubt produced some women who do, in fact, obsess over huge cocks they're sometimes referred to as size queens-- it is not on the average woman's list of worries that keep her awake at night. So the question becomes, what does a man who worries about his penis size think that a bigger penis will do for him? Think it through. Why is bigger better? What will that extra inch or two get for you and your partner? Who is the most concerned about this--you or your partner? In terms of sexually stimulating a woman, mere bulk does little. Many women don't orgasm from intercourse anyway; they require oral, digital, or vibratory stimulation of the clitoris. A bigger penis will do nothing to help there. Meanwhile, some women have learned about having g-spot orgasms (where female ejaculation comes from). A bigger penis does not help with that, either. Considering all the hours men log worrying about penis size, they may be quite shocked to discover that in the totality of a happy love relationship, a smaller penis is not that big of a deal. 
 
The Big Dick Myth
Nevertheless, many men are deeply troubled that they don't measure up to some Herculean ideal. If you are one of them, you might spend some time pondering how you came up with the idea that you're too small. If you measure yourself against the phallic swords you see in porn, then that could be your problem right there. Men in porn are, in essence, professional athletes chosen for their dimensions and ability to perform on cue. Camera angles further enhance a male performer's size. If you measure yourself against these professionals, it's like comparing yourself to a player in the NBA, sad that you are a runt at 6 feet tall. If your heart's desire is to be involved in the swing community or the commercial sex club scene, then you may encounter more of a competitive penis size attitude. In these venues, size seems to matter more because size as a good thing is more embedded in the erotic culture. On the other hand, not all swingers are obsessed on looks. Many newbies to the scene are surprised to discover how ordinary the people look in many lifestyle gatherings. If you have been the victim of a verbally abusive mate or peers who ridiculed you about your size, then you have a different kind of problem. In that case, you still need to recover from the injuries you sustained through being degraded. Depending on the severity of your mental injuries, you may want to check in with a counselor. 
 
Great Sex is More Than Size
The sexual dialogue about big organs often does not include discussion about some of the ingredients that really make sex fun and fulfilling. That's much more the problem than your size. These ingredients include such things as enthusiasm, erotic creativity, humor, mental and emotional power, and sensuality skills. Put it another way: are you a fun lover? Personality stimulates much more than your penis size does. People forget that truly satisfying sex is mental and emotional, too. There is no relationship between how big your penis is and how exciting your erotic imagination is. There's no relationship between how big your penis is and how big your heart is. 
 
This Goes for Performance , Too
Along with issues about size, I also get emails about performance, such as this one: I've just celebrated my 46th birthday. I can no longer hold an erection as long as I used to. What do you recommend for a guy my age who's still in pretty good shape? Believe it or not, sometimes having trouble maintaining an erection turns out to be a good thing. Its a reminder, albeit sometimes painful to swallow, that your hard-on is not the center of your sexual universe. Aging forces you out of old sexual habits to explore your sensuality (like how to satisfy someone with your fingers and tongue). It also inspires you to explore your erotic personality. I am a big advocate of showing personality in bed. How can you truly be there with your partner if you don't share thoughts and feelings? Rise above focusing totally on those techniques (yawn) for producing orgasms. Discover some of the other wonderful gifts that your sexuality offers besides physical orgasms. 
 
For Example
One gift I discovered was mental orgasm. It works similarly to physical orgasm in that it is a build-up and release of sexual tension with an ahhh feeling afterwards. Most people have mental orgasms along with their physical orgasms, simultaneously, but you can also have mental orgasms without the physical accompaniment. A mental orgasm is a wow moment for the brain. It is a surprise, a pay- off, a release that leaves you glowing. It could be triggered by what someone says, wears, shows you, or does. It could be triggered by what you think or feel. I won't argue that a mental orgasm is made-up, but once you focus your attention and creativity to making them up, they become most real. Unlike physical orgasms, the nice thing about mental orgasms is that once they happen, they don't just disappear. They keep on giving in the form of pleasing memories. If you think about it, what you're seeking with your wishes for a bigger or longer-lasting dick is the mental satisfaction that you're a winner. I am here to tell you that the mental satisfaction you seek comes through your brain. Use it or lose it.