Playing by the rules
The difference between a "fuck buddy" and a one-night stand is familiarity. And buddies have rules. The difference between sex with a fuck buddy and a prostitute is money. And buddies have rules.
The difference between a fuck buddy and a bona fide lover is commitment. And they both have rules.
In a world that often seems to be a straitjacket of rules, you'd think the last place people would want more of them is the bedroom. But search Google for "fuck buddy," and you'll get nearly 5-million hits.
Seems everybody wants
Trouble is, most buddies come fully equipped with an ego and a brain stocked with at least the normal complement of hormones and behavior-affecting chemicals. Most have lives of their own, other buddies, and, occasionally, commitments that are more important than you are.
So it takes a list of fairly rigid rules—a contract, really—to enforce that carefree state of uncommitted bliss. Of course, you can negotiate your own code, tinkered and tailored to each buddy that signs on with you, but why reinvent the wheel? Buddies want to avoid that kind of effort and involvement.
Here's the boilerplate:
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Bottom line, the fuck-buddy system
There's a catch, too. Unless you and your buddy are sociopaths, it's practically impossible to keep all emotion out of it. Call it what you will, you have a relationship. This is why you've got to keep it brief and follow the rules. Rules make it easier to hold back all those complicating human reactions that leak out over time.
Ironic, isn't it? You have to commit to the contract in order to have carefree, reliable, uncommitted sex. So here's the final rule:
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If you can't stand rules, you've got to face it: buddy fucking just isn't for you. Not if the "buddy" part matters.is most delicately balanced. Rules make it work. If you violate even one of them, the arrangement can blow wide open. Shake hands when it's over. No crying, no pleading, no proposals of marriage. Absolutely no stalking—that makes you a criminal, as well as a lousy fuck buddy. Quit while you're ahead. Blazing-great sex without anything substantial to fuel it (like intellectual interest, emotional commitment, common goals . . . that sort of thing) tends to burn out. End it while you've still got glowing memories. Keep it quiet outside the bedroom, as well. No chat with chums, no details about your buddy. Just make sure they all know that the two of you are NOT A COUPLE. Buddies only. Casual. You know? Because you certainly don't need to deal with your friend's expectations, either. Gossip can grind you down. Talk little. You're here for sex, not soul mating. Ideally, the chemistry between you is explosive; but you may have absolutely nothing else in common. Why find out? Besides, the less you know about your buddy's passions and commitments, the less likely you are to violate the jealousy rule. This applies to phone calls and emails, as well. Keep it short, sweet, and steamy, set your appointment, and sign off. Play safe. Since you both are free to prowl for partners, you never know exactly where your good buddy has been. Protect each other from having to make messy explanations and apologies—not to mention making the oddly unexpected baby buddy. Both of which are undeniable mood spoilers. No plans for the future, either. If you're scheduling your sex sessions weeks in advance, or (worse) taking them for granted, stop it! With no expectations, there can be no disappointments. No exclusivity means no jealousy. If you feel at all greenish, the fuck-buddy system is not your style. Or at least this one isn't the right size. Keep shopping. Honesty isn't just the best policy; it's the only policy. Be up front about any other buddies, involvements, significant others, and sexual proclivities. This rule most emphatically extends to the aforementioned significant other, who after all is entitled to a buddy, too. If this is a problem, fix it or get out—of one relationship or the other. Courtesy must go way beyond common. Be on time, give plenty of notice if you must cancel, and for heaven's sake, if you have to cut it short, make that clear before the event. How would you like it if you've been building up steam for some lengthy, luxurious pleasure, only to get blindsided by a wham-bam quickie?The sex must be good—for both of you. That's the whole point. In fact, it's the only point. If one of you is getting a lot more out of it than the other, the emotional balance is thrown dangerously off kilter. Then the one on the short end of the stick tends to get touchy, clingy, or simply unavailable.a buddy to fuck. No credit card required, no baggage to handle. Just a warm and friendly booty when you want it, and not when you don't.