Spats
One thing that you never expect to hear, much less experience on a site, is something that I call a “spat.”
What is a spat?
A spat, as I have experienced it, is something that occurs between two people who have been writing to one another on a somewhat consistent basis (thereby signaling an attraction); and one day you receive something written that seems out of text from the usual banter, and it bothers you somehow. At home or in your personal life away from the site, you might respond to it in anger or hurt; you might notify the person quickly or tell them: Fuck you. But on a site, if you are interested in someone, you are trying to put your best self forward to make a connection happen; and so you respond to whatever didn’t sit comfortably with you in a kinder, softer way than you might if the person at home had said it.
I mean really, who comes onto a site to argue or fight with someone? We can have that home. Many of us do.
So how is a spat different from an argument? I see it as the deliberate attention that is paid to the words that are written in reply. Again, perhaps with our relationships outside of here, we are quicker to react and defend.
What can happen after a spat? A lot of things. You could find yourself jolted into awareness that even in pursuing fantasy, as long as there is another human being involved, discord is going to be experienced somewhere at sometime. You could find that the aura of mystery and freedom that you felt in allowing yourself to be sexually open and explicit with this as-yet unmet stranger suddenly feels punctured. You may hesitate in your future writings with him or her; you may even lose some of your eagerness to meet. All is possible.
But why? Precisely because you are interacting with another person. Most every time you interact with another person there is going to be a reaction of some kind-even if the reaction is only a small feeling one.
No matter what brought you to SexyAds (or to some other site), no matter what thoughts and feelings you are experimenting with, the bottom line is that there is not some god or goddess on the other end of your computer screen. He or she is not perfect and neither are you. You already know that you’re not perfect.
But many people get lost in the illusion that writing offers and the reality of it is that you are speaking/writing/communicating with another person who has her or his own feelings, thoughts, expectations, needs, experiences, desires. For you to forget this very major factor and project (perhaps even unconsciously) “perfectness” onto the other person in any way, tells me that at some point, you will experience the disillusion, and it may hit you hard. But don’t worry-it’s really just a wake-up call to your own growth and may help you to refocus your intent if you pay enough attention.