Unexpected Sensuality
When one starts internet dating, there is always a surprise around the corner somewhere. Either the person you are to going to meet isn’t going to be anything like they represented themselves to be (which happens sometimes); or they are exactly like they said they were going to be (which can be good and bad); or the attraction you felt in emailing one another was not felt in person (surprising, but it happens); or, the non-attraction that you felt in meeting that grew into an attraction without you ever expecting it. It’s like it came out of nowhere.
Now, that’s fun when it happens!
I have a person on the screen in my mind as I write this. We met several weeks after corresponding sporadically and upon meeting, the sexual prickling I had felt whenever I looked at the picture he had posted by his name, went out the window. On computer, there was an attraction. In person, it just was not the same.
Still, he was a nice enough person and lunch had been pleasant enough. Meet for a second time? Okay, I decided, why not? I’ve got to start somewhere. And there’s no harm here.
Sometimes goodbyes are awkward for me. Goodbyes on new dates are particularly troublesome. I don’t want to appear a prude but I have always been uncomfortable kissing someone I didn’t know or being kissed by someone I didn’t know. It was too close and intimate and it made me feel queer. Still, I knew that many people did this social kissing and that somehow, I was going to have to learn how to deal with it.
On this first lunch date, I had to deal with it. Saying goodbye to me in the parking lot of the restaurant, he leaned in and planted a small, light kiss on my lips. There was no harm but it took me aback, and I think I smiled nervously while fighting the urge to jump into my car like Luke Duke and peal off up the road. I thought about it for several days, how best to respond the next time I was confronted with it.
The second lunch meeting I decided to put aside my feelings for the moment. I was in new territory here, and if I acted in the old way, what would change? This time, when the goodbye came, I knew it was coming.
On the third lunch date, I was able to tell him over the table how the first time he had kissed me goodbye had made me feel uncomfortable. I felt good that I was speaking up for myself.
So what was the kiss that came out of nowhere in the parking lot afterward? Jesus, what was that?! We both looked at each other in astonishment and then got in my car and sucked face for the next hour. This wasn’t me acting like me at all. And yet, it was good.
I am now a fan of unexpected sensuality!