Locations for Sex (part II)
Step two, the great outdoors
The most popular place to make love in the great outdoors has always been the car. Many of you may have already perfected automotive intercourse while still in high school. For those of us who were unfortunate victims of chess club and marching band, these skills will have to be acquired.
First know that many of the skills from the couch transfer to the car. There are many similarities.
Most prefer the backseat to the front. If there's an extraordinary amount of room in your car — allowing both of you to lie down as if in a bed — you're cheating. Sex in a car is supposed to be cramped and difficult. Some high school kids try and fail—fail—to complete intercourse at all! And if you know how earnest the typical high-schooler is when it comes to sex, you know how difficult this locale can be.
Choice of car is obviously important. Depending on the relative sizes of you and your partner, some vehicles may be too small. The idea is to find a car just big enough, but not too big. SUVs are cheating!
Parking the car is actually the most difficult initial hurdle. You want to find a spot that's private, but not too private. One of the reasons car sex is so exciting is that you're in public and someone might see. You could drive out into the middle of nowhere with only the trees as witness, but then what's the fun? No, much better to find a spot like a turnout, or a park, where cars are going by. At night (warning, day sex in the car is for top-level black belts only!) no one can really see what's going on while driving by. Be warned, however, watch for police! Exposing yourself in public is illegal almost everywhere. Again, remember lessons about preventing sex-crazed rug-rub: keeping the clothes on is a good idea.
The car is also a good learning tool. You can drive around town looking for secluded spots. You might even become bold enough to get out of the car and do the nasty in a park, in the woods, or maybe even in a cemetery.
Cemeteries aren't for everyone, but they can be exciting. There's nothing like hiding behind some tombstones and making love on a burial plot. For extra credit, try during daytime.
For the exhibitionist, try sex in the car at a car wash. When you come out, don't be surprised if the towel guys are applauding.
One important thing you need to learn from car sex is how to quit and pack up if any people come near. It's an important skill you'll need to move on to advanced locations.
Step three: Advanced Locations
If you've just about worn out your backseat, and your car is starting to get a little funky, you might be ready to try some more advanced locations. These locations aren't for everyone. For some, the excitement will be too much, possibly leading to heart attack (please check with your doctor before making love in these on any other locations). But, if you're up to it, and you feel the need for even more excitement, get ready for the Advanced Locations.
The next place to move after your backseat is most likely the public restroom. Some might be a little squeamish, but you don't have to find the filthiest john in town. How about this: You and your partner go to a fancy restaurant and, halfway through dinner, have a quickie in the old can. Nice eateries will usually have clean, nice-smelling toilets. Most couples prefer standing up, but with enough knowledge in the sexual arts, some sex can be had on the commode itself. But such positions are not for novices.
If you're both in the bathroom, the restaurant is likely to think you jumped out on your bill. It might be better, if you're intent on kinky toilet-sex, to duck into a big hotel while out. Most hotels have beautiful accommodations in their lobby restrooms. Just don't get caught! It's generally safer for women to enter men's rooms. You should secure your stall when the restroom is empty, but once in the act, an occupied next-door stall is half the fun. Whether you want your neighbor to catch on or not is up to you.
Some other places you might find around town are museums and libraries. These places can be fairly desolate, especially if you live in a place where everyone's at the shooting range on a Sunday.
Sunday? Try your local church! This location is always a favorite with the local clergy. Some churches have cemeteries too!