Saturday 5 September, 2009Sometimes Close Has to Be Enough

I've recently made the acquaintance of a gay female at work. She is the mother of three children and she’s been longing to move her kids out of where she is living now and start a new life somewhere else.

Several months ago she met a woman online who lives clear across the country. Since that initial meeting (but only online), they have exchanged photos, talk on the phone daily for a couple of hours at a time, and have even introduced one another’s children to each other via phone. Each woman considers the other to be her girlfriend and both are looking forward to the possibility of a long-term relationship developing and lasting.

My co-worker’s thinking is mixed. She knows she’s tired of her life around here and says out right that she sorely misses having a warm body to sleep with at night and waking up to in the morning. While a part of her daydreams about being impulsive and just “up and leaving”, as a mom she knows she can’t do that. Still, every so often the thought crosses her mind: “When does my life start?”

I understand her thinking. I don’t think there’s a single mother around that doesn’t. While we love our kids to death and would do anything for them, once the little ones are asleep, we are left very much alone with our private thoughts and feelings. It’s a natural response to want to be with another adult and feel alive again in a way that the kids can’t do: yet there are barriers. Every mother knows that her actions will reflect deeply on her children, but what if what the mother yearns for is a relationship with another woman?

In this day and age, being gay is no longer the stigma such as it was when I was a child.

Regardless of being gay or not, every single mother is faced with the question of what will their child’s reaction be to seeing mom kissing and hugging another person? It’s a valid question that requires much thought in the heterosexual world; I can only imagine the added stress it must be for a gay mom. At least, that is what my co-worker expressed.

Interestingly enough, her biggest fear isn’t leaving where she lives now or finding a new job or moving clear across the country to move in with someone she hasn’t even been face-to-face with yet. Her biggest fear is her youngest daughter’s reaction to seeing her mother be affectionate with another woman. It is a very genuine and very real concern for her.

In the end, my co-worker decided to give up the relationship online and settle in closer to home.

An old girlfriend appeared and they’ve been talking again: she’s even been over to the house and shared some dinners and some fun times with them all. It’s not exactly what my friend wanted, but as she said: “It’s close.” Sometimes, close can be enough. Or has to be.