Wednesday 22 July, 2009Springtime Possibilities

The cold winds are almost gone, the flowers are starting to pop up everywhere and I’ve already seen a bumblebee. As it is officially the month of May, all these signs can only mean one thing-that winter has left us and Spring is making her entrance. And with the arrival of Spring, lots of thoughts about relationships, both old and new, seem to come to the surface with unusual clarity.

In the light of the new season, many of us are determined that this year, this time around, things are going to be different. If we’re in a relationship now, we tell ourselves that we are going to take what knowledge we have about it now, just as it is, and highlight the good points while minimizing the bad. If we’ve left a relationship and are beginning anew, we’ll remind ourselves that we’ve learned plenty and that, of course, someone new is going to come along and add some spice to our life. Even after a failed romance, we look forward to the next one with great hope, don’t we? Whatever the instance is that we find ourselves in, it’s safe to say that many of us will remind ourselves that we are smarter than we were a year ago, wiser than we were a year ago, stronger than we were a year ago. We will remind ourselves that we are lovable.

Spring seems to offer so many possibilities.

But sometimes doubt creeps back in.  You may find yourself thinking: Is it really worth it to try again?  How can I keep from making the same mistakes next time? How many times have I told myself that this time will be different but in reality, things never really change?

We’ve all heard that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. I don’t know how many of us fall into this category in several areas in our life but we do. Feeling hopeful because Spring is here is a good start, but telling yourself that your next relationship will be the magical one you’ve been waiting for is to set yourself up for some keen disappointment. Remember, telling yourself that things are going to change doesn’t mean that they will unless you become aware that mere intention is only a beginning. It takes so much more to build a successful relationship and even our best efforts sometimes don’t give us the results that we want. So what should we do?

We start be becoming realistic. We start by being honest with ourselves.  Begin to note some of your patterns and behaviors of thought and action.  Discover what makes you tick and what ticks you off. Start paying attention to yourself as you would a new love-with gentleness and thoughtfulness. Tell yourself that if any changes are going to be made this time, that the biggest one is that you are going to learn how to be yourself.

Then see what happens.