Sunday 21 September, 2008Think You're Hot? Under 50, You're Not!

Turns out, sex really is for grown-ups;great sex, that is. Conventional wisdom (and conventional science, for that matter) has long held that men pass their sexual peak in their twenties; women, in their thirties. But even though kids may heat up more quickly, a quick hard boil doesn't necessarily cook up the tastiest dish.

Boys and girls carry a heavy load of cultural baggage into the bedroom that they need to unpack and put away before they can relax.

Young women have to reconcile their sexuality with all those societal ideas about what's proper, respectable, or "ladylike." Young men may find their egos haven't quite filled out yet.

And after all those years of growing up and developing an identity separate from their parents, a lot of people begin relationships with the idea that soul mates have to fit inside a single soul. When that turns out to be as sensible as forcing two feet into one shoe, those two souls start to kick.

But great sex is about dancing, not kick boxing. Getting the moves right helps a lot, but face it: the happiest dancers on the floor are the ones that feel good together, not the ones that are just getting the job done.

That means that each partner has a sense of self and a sense of direction clear enough to concentrate on each other instead of watching—and tripping over;their own feet.

For most people, that kind of clarity and self-confidence doesn't fully develop until later in life. People in their 50s and 60s have the experience and sense of self to take responsibility for their own emotions and to accept their partners as individuals rather than mirror images.

That's when people can risk being truly honest, and therefore truly open, with each other. That's when they can take greater risks and try new things without feeling threatened or insecure.

And that's when the sex gets truly amazing.