Saturday 16 May, 2009What is Attraction, Anyway?

“Engage the mind, share some laughter, exchange thoughts...now there’s a recipe for attraction,” is what I wrote to someone in an email just the other night. And if you are a person who is involved in the process of online dating or just trying to establish some sort of relationship with someone online, in whatever that capacity might be, then recognizing what attraction is and how it comes into play is extremely helpful.

There are some people involved in online dating who, once they find out you don’t have a picture to post, will not give you the time of day. There are others who talk to you but may not express any interest because they can’t see what you look like; and there are still others who generally put looks secondary and are more interested in who you are as a person than what your breast size is or what size your cock may be. And then let’s not forget the other group: the ones who state that you are not their type physically, but they sure enjoy talking with you.

I went to look up the word ‘attraction’ from the dictionary I have stationed here at my desk. It said: ‘the act or capability of attracting.” So, of course, I had to look up ‘attract.’ The first sentence pretty much summed it up. It read: “to cause to draw near.” Well, that makes sense. So an attraction is already in play if someone is coming towards you or if you approach someone else. That’s interesting way of thinking about it. It means the process has already begun.

There are a lot of different kinds of attraction and being involved with online dating will bring many of these different ways to the forefront. Actually, it is almost impossible to avoid some of them if you stick around long enough. Have you ever been attracted to someone until you met them? Ouch! Then there’s the one where you’ve met, stayed attracted and then found the attraction had lessened somewhat once you started writing to another again. That was a surprise. Then there’s the one you felt no attraction to at all but liked your correspondence with enough to meet, so you did, and then you found yourself unexpectedly feeling something further.  And let’s not forget the icing-on-the-cake attraction: the one where you’ve felt something more than just a friendship for but who has stressed your physical body type doesn’t turn him/her on...but once they meet you, you somehow win them over just being yourself. What a rush

So attraction is a funny thing. It allows us to feel hope and excitement again,  and that does feel good mentally and emotionally! It helps us to feel more attractive; and many times, our confidence gets the boost we need and that’s always a good feeling. But it is also highly individual, has no specific rules to follow and depends completely upon the two individuals themselves. So relax and allow it to happen.