Monday 20 October, 2008World's biggest penis

It must be official; it's on British television.

In fact, that's the title of the show: "The World's Biggest Penis." Since this is a TV show, of course, there's plenty more penile pulchritude to compare to the most massive member.

The winner belongs to an ordinary sort of guy named Jonah Falcon. Now, the average Joe sports a stiff rod of about 6 inches. Jonah checks in at a terrifying 13.5 inches. (Imagine running into that on a dark night!) It's claimed that he can wrap it around his hand a couple of times, so that puts the kibosh on the big-hands/big-feet/big-dick stereotype. (Go ahead, get a tape measure. Try it and see for yourself. Either he's got little hands, or it stretches.)

Lest you think Jonah is merely a freak of nature—or in case you too belong to the monstrous membership—you should know that the Internet offers a Large Penis Support Group. Really. Among other things, it offers the extra-endowed a chance to meet some intrepid ladies.

Intrepid, and possibly into S & M. Sure, vaginas expand to accomodate. But the typical canal ranges from 3 to 7 inches to start. How far can it go? Makes one think of sword swallowers . . .

As promised, "The World's Biggest Penis" visits several more members of the club. Dan, Steed, and Omar, all share with Jonah the burden of behemoth bongers. By this time, you may have noticed that these guys have been completely upstaged by their strutting cocks (much as some women trail helplessly behind their own assertive assets). Of course, adult movies can pay very well, and at least one of the brotherhood has found a good fit in the film industry.

For the record, a quick search of the Guinness World Records website turned up no definitive word on the maximum human member. But it did have a possible winner for the world's oldest penis. Pending verification, the fossilized insect part—belonging to a daddy longlegs—is more than 300 million years older than the current record holder, a 100-million-year-old crustacean penis.

And guys? This penis is nearly two-thirds as long as the entire body.

Oooh. Ouch.