Dating Articles
Sunday 15 March, 2009Yes Yes Yes...Sex does get better than this!
Better sex at 65 than at 35? That's what most of us have to look forward to, according to Dr Miriam Stoppard's survey of 700 mature women. While younger people make love more often, it's the over-50s who are having the most fulfilling sex.
More free time, bags of confidence and fewer worries mean you can relax and enjoy yourselves. And how! An amazing one in two women said they experienced more intense and satisfying orgasms as they got older. Today we explain why older women enjoy sex more, and tomorrow we reveal all about sex with the older man (your husband!). Don't miss it
You know what you want
BY the time you reach midlife, chances are you know what works for you - and your partner - in bed. And you're not afraid to speak up for yourself if you're not getting your way, says psychotherapist Christine Webber, a relationships counsellor
"As you get older, you're not easily embarrassed and are less likely to put up with second-best, whether it's in bed or otherwise," she says.
You're also a lot more confident than when you were younger. "Women in their 50s feel great - probably better than they've felt for decades - because they're comfortable with themselves and no longer have anything to prove," says Christine.
"They often don't have the same burden of financial pressures so 50s are embracing life - which can be very liberating."
You can talk the talk
SIXTY per cent of older people say that talking about sexual issues gets easier as you get older, with two-thirds of women claiming to be comfortable listening to their partner and talking about their sexual needs.
You have better orgasms
MAKING jam and knitting scarves aren't the only things women have to look forward to. Half of those asked claim orgasms become more intense and satisfying with age. Experts don't know exactly why that happens, but according to Relate sex therapist Denise Knowles, women become more relaxed as they get older.
"After the menopause they feel relieved because they don't have to worry about periods or getting pregnant, so they're more laid-back and have a new lease of life," she says.
More than half of the study claim their sex drive has either not been affected by the menopause or has increased.
The kids have gone
HAVING the place all to yourselves again is, for many couples, a chance to make up for lost time where sex is concerned. A third of women say they've become more sexually active since their children have flown the nest.
Christine says: "For instance, you can stay in bed on a Sunday morning, have a cup of tea, read the papers and then drift into some lovemaking - it's that kind of freedom that can lead to a resurgence in people's sex lives."
You appreciate quality
WHILE you probably don't make love as much as you used to, it's likely to be far more satisfying when you do.
"As people get older, sex changes - the lovingness, closeness, touching and so on becomes more important," says Miriam. "So it's less about doing it all the time and more about sensuality."
"In our survey, 67 per cent of women say that kissing and cuddling is the most important aspect of sex while 71 per cent cite being loving with their partner."
Making love in the living room is great
JOANNE Westwood says her sex life has sparked up sensationally as she got older - she now does it all over the house and experiments with erotic toys.
The 52-year-old reflexologist lives with John, 10 years her junior, in London. She says: "We have sex less often than when we first met but the quality is the best ever.
"You feel more confident and self-assured as you get older. Now I know exactly where all my buttons are and I'm not afraid to tell John what works and what doesn't.
"Sex is more spontaneous now. It's a few years since we've had any kids in the house and it's great to be able to have sex in the living room without worrying about anyone walking in!
"When I started going through the menopause I got a slight dip in sex drive. That's when I started using the Vielle Stimulator. It's a goes over your finger and stimulates the clitoris. We use it together and it's made my orgasms all the more intense."
WHAT WOMEN WANT
HERE'S what Miriam's sex survey found to be the most important things for the older woman.
Forty-five per cent say it's an orgasm, with 37 per cent saying it's penetration.
Men from Birmingham, think yourself lucky. In the Midlands, 55 per cent of older women say they need full sex to be satisfied - that's more than any other part of the country. But overall, three-quarters say they can feel sexually satisfied without full sex, with more than two-thirds saying just holding each other is very fulfilling.
Meanwhile, there must be something in the Welsh water, as women from Wales rate both penetration and orgasms as more important than women anywhere else in the UK.
Only a tiny percentage - five per cent - of women said they'd be happy if they never had sex again, with four out of 10 women in their 50s and 60s admitting they would be upset - but not devastated - if their sex lives ended.